It has been a long time since I blogged about my generalized aniexty disorder- I guess that goes to show meds work! However, I am going off the grid. Okay not really I just wanted to write that phrase... I am however, going off of my medication. I don't Want to be dependent on it to function, but whether that is possible is to be determined.

Going off anxiety meds is a process. You slowly decrease your intake by increments until you are able to reduce your system's need for that seratonin. My body rejects the process every time I try to go completely off with the "tingles" as I call them, Withdrawls for people who don't understand. I am currently on my longest stint with no Zoloft. The tingles have occurred but I think this time it might really work for me.

Here is the real reason I am writing, my anxiety is Real.  It is this living Beast inside of me waiting to be unleashed. It is the elephant that inexplicably sits on my chest at random. It is the nonstop obsession on minor problems that my brain develops that causes sleep loss, headaches, and irritbility.  Realizing I have this issue I notice the effects of my anxiety daily. I am snippier with people, adults and students. I have much shorter patience. I chew my lip, pick my cuticles.  I can sit through a meeting completely normal looking while the world is actually caving in around me and I Cannot Breath. I am an Excellent Fake. I am fighting every day, every minute.

This morning. my brain told my body no extra sleep, let's obsess about a student and all the problems we are having. Let's obsess about That One Class today. Let's obsess.

And speaking... of my radio volume in my car now has to bean even number or an increment of five- but that may be a different disorder.

I hope that my friends with anxiety- a lot of teachers have it as I discovered after my diagnosis and starting this blog- know you are not alone. You Are not an anomaly. It is okay to talk about this... better than okay. It is real and it feels Better to talk about.

And thus end my 5AM ramblings. #thanksanxiety